My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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