Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
