I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
