You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
