I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
