it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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