Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
