Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
