its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
They should really pass out barf bags in church
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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