I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
