ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
