I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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