you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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