Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
