I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
