is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
