so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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