i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
