When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have post one night stand depression
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
