so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
