hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
