Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
