so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
