She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
