The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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