he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
