the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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