it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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