After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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