You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
