just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
