I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
