He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
