Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
