Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
