I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
