Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
