I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
