just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
