I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
