I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
