She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
