yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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