her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i out mim tonsoeep
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
