i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm like, not good at living.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
