just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
