There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
