I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
