i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
