I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
