Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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