too bad you live with your parents still
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
