I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
