Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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