woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
